Monday, May 26, 2008

www.whiteville.com

By JEFFERSON WEAVER
Staff Writer

The lady slid my plate across the counter, deftly refilled my drink and dropped the bill beside my plate.

“There you go, Darlin’,” she said.

“Thank you, Dear Heart,” I said, and she was off to help another customer.

I thought about that innocent exchange the other day whilst reading about a faux pas by a presidential candidate.

Seems the candidate didn’t have time to speak to a particularly persistent television reporter, and he told her to “Hold on, Sweetie.” Had said candidate been anyone but the Anointed One – err, I mean, the media favorite, oops, the media darling – I am sure he would have been pilloried, excoriated, crucified, analyzed, and finger-shaken into submission. As it was, he was picked at and tut-tutted a little and before it was over, I’m pretty sure the originally offended reporter was sorry she had done anything more than fall down and worship the candidate.

But my disgust with many of my brothers and sisters in the media, especially the broadcast media, is a column for another day. Maybe I’ll write that one during deer season, when I can use the word “fawning” in a whole different context.

The last I heard, we are in a modern society where everyone is supposed to be equal; I do not recall any provisos making exceptions for people being victimized by their race, gender, gender-preference, or the braid-pattern of their shoelaces, thus giving them more rights than the average person. I was brought up around nicknames and terms of endearment, and troglodyte that I am, have never seen such words as pejorative terms.

For one thing, calling someone of the opposite sex “Sugar” is a distinctly Southern way of showing one means no harm. If someone feels insulted or demeaned because of an innocent darlin’, it seems to me they have way too much time on their hands and are looking for a reason to pick a fight.

For another thing, the use of a term like brother or dear heart or friend or darlin’ makes up for the all-too-human failing of forgetting names. Let’s face it, most of us could point out a dozen folks we know, and know well, but can’t recall their names. It’s okay, though, because they probably can’t remember ours either.

Any sensible person can tell when someone might truly be offended by a normally innocent term, and hence, avoid calling the prospective offendee by that name. Since the use of honey or sugar or darlin’ or dear or brother is supposed to be a polite, friendly gesture, why in the Sam Hill would you use such a term on an offendee when you’re trying to be polite?

Aside: yes, I think I made up the word “offendee,” but it isn’t a term of endearment. I am actually offended that, as we seem to reside in the United States of the Perpetually Offended, the term isn’t a common one, especially in the buzz-word driven lemmingesque modern media. (Don’t get your dictionary out – I made that word up, too.)

At the same time, I am fully aware that there are some pretty nasty folks out there (mostly men, but more women than you’d realize) who presume a certain familiarity by simply calling an attractive young woman “Sugar.” They’re also the same ones who truly do talk down to people by using what any common sense person would recognize as an innocent, friendly term. They seem to think that by oozing sweet niceties they can somehow overcome their own failings.

Or their own nature. There’s a woman I know in another county who, as a friend once aptly put it, when she said “Honey,” people who knew her put their backs against the wall so maybe they could see the knife coming.

Boors and backstabbers are the types of people who have no right to use such terms, since they have no manners or sincere, innocent affection in the first case. I believe the most printable terms are things like “phony” and “slime,” but that’s neither here nor there. There are several people I won’t mention here that if I ever heard them use such terms toward my wife or almost any lady of my acquaintance, there would be consequences.

Now, regarding the aforementioned slip-up by the aforementioned candidate. I listened to the recording of what he said, and he did use the term “sweetie” in something of a demeaning, almost sarcastic tone. Still and all, I must be fair and say I don’t care which side a candidate is on, if he or she says about a billion words a day, seven days a week, he or she will mess up sometimes. Especially when said candidate is saying a billion words a day every day during the entire three years of the average modern presidential campaign.
Did the lady overreact? I think so.

Did the candidate make too big of a deal out his apology? Darn straight. Are we a nation that has become far too eager to be offended? Absolutely.

One of my favorite country singers, David Allen Coe, recorded a wonderful song with the line, “You don’t have to call me darlin, darlin.”

However, if you are an offendee, especially a professional offendee, please forgive me for that Neanderthalian error.

I hereby promise that, in the future, I will do my best never to use a potentially offensive term when speaking to someone who might possibly be an offendee.

Of course, with some folks, they’d better be happy I’m a Christian, a Southerner and a gentleman – elsewise, I’d be tempted to call them by a term you’ll never hear when the waitress slides your plate across the counter at lunch. It’s a term best left on the campaign trail amongst folks who have lost sight of the things that really matter in life, like the simple nicety of calling someone darlin’.

Of course, with some folks, they’d better be happy I’m a Christian, a Southerner and a gentleman – elsewise, I’d be tempted to call them by a term you’ll never hear when the waitress slides your plate across the counter at lunch. It’s a term best left on the campaign trail amongst folks who have lost sight of the things that really matter in life, like the simple nicety of calling someone darlin’.

Of course, with some folks, they’d better be happy I’m a Christian, a Southerner and a gentleman – elsewise, I’d be tempted to call them by a term you’ll never hear when the waitress slides your plate across the counter at lunch. It’s a term best left on the campaign trail amongst folks who have lost sight of the things that really matter in life, like the simple nicety of calling someone darlin’.